ഒരു യാത്രാകുറിപ്പ്

"ചുറ്റുമുള്ള ആരവം ഒഴിഞ്ഞു. ഒരു യുദ്ധ ഭൂമിയിൽ ചെന്ന് വീണ പോലെയിരുന്നു ഇത്രെയും നേരം. ഒരു പാട് പൊട്ടി തെറികളും നിലവിളികളും. ഇപ്പോൾ എങ്ങും ഒരു ശാന്തത.
ഈ നനുത്ത തറയിൽ കിടക്കുന്നതിന്റെ ഒരാശ്വാസം.

ആരൊക്കെയോ ചുറ്റും കൂടിയിട്ടുണ്ട് എന്ന് തോന്നുന്നു. അടക്കി പിടിച്ച കരച്ചിലുകൾ കേള്ക്കാം.
കരയണം എന്നുണ്ട്. പക്ഷെ കണ്ണ് തുറക്കാൻ പോലും കഴിയുന്നില്ല. കരയാൻ ശ്രമിച്ചപ്പോൾ മുഖം വലിഞ്ഞു മുറുകുന്നു.

കയ്യും കാലും അനക്കാൻ കഴിയുന്നില്ല. അവയുണ്ടെന്നു പോലും തോന്നുന്നില്ല. ചുറ്റും ചുടുചോരെയുടെ മണം കനത്തുവരുന്നു.
ഞാൻ എന്റെ തന്നെ ചോരയിൽ മുങ്ങി മരിക്കുകയാണ്.

അവർ ഒരു പാട്  പേരുണ്ടായിരുന്നു. ബൈക്കിൽ നിന്ന് വീണ ഓർമയുണ്ട്. ആദ്യത്തെ വെട്ടു തലയിൽ ആയിരുന്നു. അതിനു ശേഷം വേദന അറിഞ്ഞില്ല. അവർ കിട്ടിയ കൂലിക്ക് മതിയാവോളം വെട്ടി.
ചുറ്റും ചുടുചോരെയുടെ മണം കനത്തുവരുന്നു.

മരണത്തിനു ശേഷം ജീവിതമില്ല. ഭൌതികമായ ഈ അസ്തിത്വം ഇന്നവസാനിക്കുന്നു.

ഞാൻ എന്റെ തന്നെ ചോരയിൽ മുങ്ങി മരിക്കുകയാണ്."

വിവാഹിതരെ ഇതിലെ ഇതിലെ...

വിവാഹത്തിന്റെ ഈ ആറാം വാര്‍ഷികത്തിന്  ഇംഗ്ലീഷില്‍ എന്തെങ്കിലും എഴുതാമെന്ന് കരുതി ഞാന്‍ ഒരു പത്തു തവണ ഇരുന്നു. അപ്പൊ മനസിലായി എന്റെ കഥ മലയാളത്തില്‍ എഴുതിയാലേ ഒരു ഗും കിട്ടു.
ഇന്നേക്ക് ആറു കൊല്ലം മുന്‍പ് ഒരു ഏപ്രില്‍ പത്തിനാണ് ഞാന്‍ സുമങ്കലനയത് (സോറി `ഗ` കിട്ടുന്നില്ല. പണ്ടാര ഗൂഗിള്‍  ഫോണ്ട്!). എനിക്ക് അന്ന് 25 വയസ്സ്.
പദ്മപ്രിയ ഇന്നത്തെ പോലെ തന്നെ നല്ല വെളുത്തിട്ടായിരുന്നു. ഞാന്‍ ഇപ്പോഴത്തെ പോലെ തന്നെ. ഞങ്ങടെ കല്യാണ വാര്‍ത്ത‍ അറിഞ്ഞ ഒരു ഫ്രണ്ട് പറഞ്ഞു "കൊള്ളാം.. നിങ്ങള്കുണ്ടാകുന്ന പിള്ളേര്‍ ചെസ്സ്‌ ബോര്‍ഡ്‌പോലെ ആയിരിക്കും.".

അന്നൊന്നും ഇന്നത്തെ പോലെ അല്ല. പ്രണയ വിവാഹം പുറത്തു പറയില്ല. ആരേലും ചോദിച്ചാ  പറയും - "ഓ അവര് ഒരു കോളേജില്‍ പഠിച്ചതെങ്കിലും പരസ്പരം കണ്ടിട്ടില്ല". ഓ ശരി, എല്ലാരും വിശ്വസിക്കും. എന്തായാലും രണ്ടു വീട്ടുകാരും ചേര്‍ന്ന് ഒരു മാസ്റ്റര്‍ പ്ലാന്‍ തയ്യാറാക്കി. എല്ലാരേം പറ്റികാന്‍ ഒരു പെണ്ണ് കാണല്‍ ചടങ്ങ് റെഡി ആക്കി. അടുത്ത ബന്ധുക്കളുമായി പെണ്ണ് കാണാന്‍ വരാന്‍  ‍അച്ഛനോട് പ്രിയയുടെ അച്ഛന്‍ പറഞ്ഞു. കേട്ട പാതി കേള്‍കാത്ത പാതി ഞാന്‍ ബാംഗ്ലൂരില്‍ നിന്ന് കല്ലടെടെ ബസ്സില്‍ കേറി പുറപെട്ടു. വീട്ടില്‍ എത്തിയപ്പോ കൂലങ്കഷമായ ചര്‍ച്ച. അടുത്ത ബന്ധുകള്‍ എന്നല്ലേ പറഞ്ഞുള്ളൂ. എത്ര പേരെന്ന് പറഞ്ഞില്ലല്ലോ. അമ്മ പറഞ്ഞു "നമ്മുടെ സൈഡില്‍ എത്രപേര്‍ ഉണ്ടെന്നു കാണിക്കാന്‍ പറ്റിയ അവസരം." അങ്ങനെ രാത്രിയുടെ അന്ത്യയാമങ്ങളില്‍ അവര്‍ കൂടെ കൊണ്ട് പോകാന്‍ പറ്റിയ അടുത്ത അമ്പതു ബന്ധുകളെ തിരഞ്ഞെടുത്തു. അതില്‍ പന്ത്രെണ്ട് പേരെ എനിക്ക് കണ്ടു പരിചയമുണ്ട്. അച്ഛന്‍ പറഞ്ഞു "നിനക്കറിയാത്തവരെ  നീ ചുമ്മാ കേറി അങ്കിള്‍ ആന്റി എന്ന് വിളിച്ചാല്‍ മതി". ഞാന്‍ പറഞ്ഞു "നോ ബിഗ്‌ ഡീല്‍ അച്ഛാ." അടുത്ത ദിവസം ആറു കാറും അതിനിടയില്‍ ഒരു ബോറ് കാറുമായി ഞങ്ങള്‍ പെണ്ണ് വീട്ടില്‍ എത്തി. പോകുന്ന വഴി കാറോടിച്ച "അങ്കിള്‍"നോട് കുറച്ചു വിശേഷം പറഞ്ഞു കഴിഞ്ഞപ്പോ മനസിലായി, പുള്ളി കാറോടിക്കാന്‍ വന്ന ഡ്രൈവര്‍ ആണെന്ന്. ഭാഗ്യം ആ കാറില്‍ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്ന എട്ടു പേരല്ലാതെ വേറെ ആരും കണ്ടില്ല ഞാന്‍ ചമ്മിയത്. അവിടെയെത്തിയ എന്റെ കണ്ണ് തള്ളി. പെണ്ണ് വീട്ടില്‍ ഒരു അമ്പതു പേര്‍ വേറെ!! എല്ലാവര്‍ക്കും കൂടി എന്തായാലും ഒരുമിച്ചു വീടിനകത്ത് നില്‍കാന്‍ പറ്റില്ല. അപ്പൊ ഇവിടെയും ഇന്നലെ രാത്രി മീറ്റിംഗ് ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നു. ബെസ്റ്റ്!

കല്യാണ ഒരുക്കങ്ങള്‍ ഉടന്‍തന്നെ തുടങ്ങി. നാല് ദിക്കിലേക്കും കല്യാണം വിളിച്ചു ആള്‍കാര്‍ പോയി. ചില സ്ഥലങ്ങളില്‍ വിളിക്കാന്‍ അച്ഛനും അമ്മയും പോയി. വരണം എന്ന് നിര്‍ബന്ധം ഇല്ലാത്ത ആള്‍കാരെ വിളിക്കാന്‍ മാമനെ വിട്ടു. വരരുത് എന്നുള്ളവരെ എന്നെ കൊണ്ട് ഫോണ്‍ ചെയ്യിച്ചു. ഒരു നായരായി ജനിച്ചതിന്റെ ബുദ്ധിമുട്ട് അന്ന് മനസിലായി. ആരെ കണ്ടാലും പറഞ്ഞു വരുമ്പോ ബന്ധു. വിളിച്ചു വിളിച്ചു  ഒരായിരത്തി അഞ്ഞൂറ് പേരെ വിളിച്ചു. പ്രിയയുടെ വീട്ടുകാരും വിട്ടു കൊടുത്തില്ല. അവരും വിളിച്ചു ഒരായിരത്തി അഞ്ഞൂറ് പേരെ.

ഞങ്ങളുടെ കല്യാണം ഒരു സെലെബ്രിടി കല്യാണമായി മാറി. മണ്ഡപം ജനങ്ങളെ കൊണ്ട് നിറഞ്ഞു കവിഞ്ഞു. ചൂടത്ത് ഞാന്‍ വിയര്‍ത്തു കുളിച്ചു. വിളിച്ച ആള്‍കാരെ പോരാഞ്ഞു കോളേജില്‍ കൂടെ പഠിച്ച ഒരു അമ്പതു പേരും കൂടി വന്നു. ഞങ്ങളോടപ്പം നിന്ന് ഫോട്ടോ എടുക്കാന്‍ റേഷന്‍ കടയിലെ പോലെ ക്യൂ ആയി. വെടി കൊണ്ട പോലെ അച്ഛന്‍ ഓടി നടന്നു കാര്യങ്ങള്‍ കുളമാക്കി. എനിക്ക് തോന്നി "എത്രയോ പേരെ വിളിച്ചില്ല, ഈ അച്ഛനെ കൂടി ഒഴിവാക്കാമായിരുന്നു".

ഇതിനിടെ ആരോ പറഞ്ഞറിഞ്ഞു "ആയിരം പേര്‍ കഴിച്ചു കഴിഞ്ഞപ്പോ ചോറ് തീര്‍ന്നു. വല്ല വിധേനയും ചോറ് റെഡി ആക്കിയപ്പോ ഇല തീര്‍ന്നു. ഇല മേടിക്കാന്‍ ആള് പോയിട്ടുണ്ട്.". എന്റെ തല കറങ്ങി. ഇനി എനിക്ക് ചോറ് കിട്ടില്ലേ? കല്യാണത്തിനു പണ്ടേ പോകുന്നത്  സദ്യ കഴിക്കാനാണ്.
ഇതിനിടയില്‍ ഫോട്ടോ എടുക്കല്‍ തകൃതിയായി തുടര്‍ന്നു. വീഡിയോഗ്രാഫെര്‍ രാജുചേട്ടന്‍ പറഞ്ഞു "രാജേഷേ ഇനി നിങ്ങള്‍ രണ്ടു പേരും മേളിലേക്ക് നോക്ക്,  അവിടെ ഞാന്‍ ഒരു പാട്ടിടും. 'തങ്കതിങ്കള്‍ വാനിലുയര്‍ത്തും ..' ". ഞാന്‍ മുകളിലേക്ക് നോക്കി "ഈശ്വര, നീ ഇതൊന്നും കാണുന്നില്ലേ?".

ഇതിനിടെക്ക് ആരോ വന്നു പറഞ്ഞു "ബോളി തീര്‍ന്നു". എന്റെ കണ്ണ് നിറഞ്ഞു. ബോളി ഇല്ലെങ്കില്‍ എനിക്കീ കല്യാണം വേണ്ട. അല്ലെങ്കി പോട്ടെ. ഇത്ര മിനകെട്ടു കല്യാണം സെറ്റപ്പ് ആക്കിയതല്ലേ.
ഫോട്ടോക്ക് വേണ്ടി ചിരിച്ചു ചിരിച്ചു എന്റെ കവിളുളുക്കി.
അങ്ങനെ ഒരു രണ്ടു മണിക്കൂര്‍ പോയി കിട്ടി. അവസാനം ഞാന്‍ പ്രതീക്ഷിച്ച നിമിഷമെത്തി. അച്ഛന്‍ വന്നു പറഞ്ഞു "മോനെ ഇനി നിങ്ങള്‍ കഴിക്കാന്‍ വരൂ.". കമ്മീഷണര്‍ സിനിമയില്‍ സുരേഷ്ഗോപി നടന്ന പോലെ ഞാന്‍ പ്രിയയും കൊണ്ട് നേരെ സദ്യ കഴിക്കാന്‍ പുറപെട്ടു. ഒരു ചേട്ടന്‍ വന്നു ഇല ഇട്ടു. വേറെ ആരോ ചോറും കറിയും വിളമ്പി. രാജുചേട്ടന്‍ വീഡിയോക്യാമറ ഓണ്‍ ചെയ്തു. കൂടെ വന്ന മറ്റവന്‍ ഫ്ലാഷും ഓണ്‍ ചെയ്തു. പരിപ്പൊഴിച്ചു ഒരുരുള ഞാന്‍ വായില്‍ കൊണ്ട് പോകുന്നത് അവര്‍ ക്ലോസ്സപ്പില്‍ ഫോളോ ചെയ്തു. ആ ഉരുള ഞാന്‍ വിഴുങ്ങിയതും അച്ഛന്‍ പറഞ്ഞു "മോനെ മതി എഴുന്നെക്ക്. വീഡിയോക്ക് വേണ്ടി കഴിപ്പിച്ചതാ. ബാക്കി പിന്നെ". ഞാന്‍ അറിയാതെ ചോദിച്ചു "പിന്നെ എപ്പോ? അടുത്ത കല്യാണം കഴികുമ്പോഴോ?". അച്ഛന്‍ കണ്ണുരുട്ടി. അത് കണ്ടു പ്രിയ ചിരിയോചിരി.
സമീഹ് എന്നാ ഒരു കൂട്ടുകാരനായിരുന്നു ഞങ്ങളുടെ ഒഫീഷ്യല്‍ ഡ്രൈവര്‍. അവന്റെ ഹ്യുണ്ടായ് ആക്സെന്റില്‍ ഞങ്ങള്‍ വീട്ടിലേക്കു യാത്രതിരിച്ചു.
സദ്യ കഴിക്കാന്‍ പറ്റാത്തതിന്റെ വിഷമം തീര്‍ക്കുന്നതായിരുന്നു പിന്നത്തെ ഒരു രണ്ടാഴ്ച. വിരുന്നോട് വിരുന്നു. ചിക്കന്‍ കണ്ടാല്‍ ഇറങ്ങി ഓടുന്ന  അവസ്ഥയായി.

ഏതാനും ആഴ്ചകളുടെ തീറ്റയും കുടിയും കഴിഞ്ഞു ഞാനും പ്രിയയും എന്റെ അധോലോകമായ ബാംഗ്ലൂര്‍ ലക്ഷ്യമാക്കി ബസില്‍ കേറി. ബാംഗ്ലൂരില്‍ എത്തിയ പാടെ പ്രിയ അടുക്കളയില്‍ കേറി. ഇന്നും അവള്‍ മിക്കനേരവും അവിടെ തന്നെ. ആദ്യ ദിവസം രാവിലെ എനിക്ക് ഒരു ഓണ്‍സൈറ്റ്  കാള്‍ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നു. പ്രിയ ഒരേ വാശി പുട്ടും പപ്പടവും കഴിച്ചിട്ട് പോയാല്‍ മതി. പുതു മോടിയില്‍ ഞാന്‍ വീണു. കുളിച്ചിട്ടു വന്ന ഞാന്‍ കണ്ടത് അടുക്കളയില്‍ തീയും പുകയും! നോക്കിയപ്പോ ചില സിനിമകളില്‍ ബോംബ്‌ പൊട്ടിയ ശേഷം സലിം കുമാര്‍ നിക്കും പോലെ പ്രിയ കരി പിടിച്ചു നിക്കുന്നു. പപ്പടം വറുത്ത എണ്ണയില്‍ വെള്ളം വീണപ്പോ തീ പിടിച്ചതായിരുന്നു. അന്ന് എന്തൊക്കെയോ മണ്ടത്തരങ്ങള്‍ കാണിച്ചു തീ അണച്ചു. പിന്നെത്തെ പ്രൊജക്റ്റ്‌ ഫര്‍ണിച്ചര്‍ വാങ്ങല്‍ ആയിരുന്നു. പല തരം കടകളില്‍ കേറി ഞങ്ങടെ ചെരുപ്പ് തേഞ്ഞു. അവസാനം ബട്ജെറ്റില്‍ ഒതുങ്ങുന്ന രണ്ടു ചൂരല്‍ കസേര മേടിച്ചു. അതിനു മാച്ചിനു ഒരു ചൂരല്‍ മേശയും വാങ്ങി.

അവിടുന്ന് ഇങ്ങോട്ട് വലിയ സന്തോഷങ്ങളും ചെറിയ കല്ലുകടികളുമായി ഒരാറു കൊല്ലം. ഇതുവരെയുള്ള ഞങ്ങളുടെ ഏറ്റവും വലിയ സമ്പാദ്യം കുഞ്ചുവെന്ന നാല് വയസ്സുകാരി ആണ്. പിന്നെ ഇനി വരാനിരിക്കുന്ന പാറുകുട്ടിയും. പിന്നെ അത് കഴിഞ്ഞുള്ള അപ്പുകുട്ടനും.. പിന്നെ അത് കഴിഞ്ഞു... (സോറി, എനിക്കിത് മാത്രമല്ല പണി)

ഒരാളോട് പ്രത്യേകം നന്ദി- പിണങ്ങി നിന്ന ഗ്രഹങ്ങളേയും നക്ഷത്രങ്ങളെയും കുഞ്ഞികൈ കൊണ്ട് തട്ടി മാറ്റി ഞങ്ങളെ സംരക്ഷിക്കുന്ന ഗുരുവായൂരപ്പനോട്.
പിന്നെ നന്ദി എന്റെയും പ്രിയയുടെയും അച്ഛനമ്മമാര്‍ക്കും. വിശ്വാസങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് മുകളിലാണ് ഞങ്ങളുടെ സ്നേഹം എന്ന് മനസിലാക്കിയതിനു.

Attempting malayalam now...

I have started a new blog under http://tintu-mon.blogspot.com/. If I do what I say (which I rarely do) I am planning to write 1 short story every month. The narration is by an imaginary character who is in high school.

I will be back soon...

Attempting to write something after a while. I have been down with a mystery illness for past 4 weeks. Palo alto medical foundation got richer, but the sickness didn't go away. Finally when tests and medicines failed, my symptoms gradually started fading away. I am hoping to be back to normal in next few days. At least I am glad my appetite is back and I could sleep okay yesterday night. "Eat well, sleep well' was my sole goal and objective from a philosophical angle. And when I lost it, I was pissed off.
I am cooking up some ideas to write a story on my premature marriage (like Obama's nobel) years back. If things go well, I will post it during the weekend.
Till then, thanks for occasionally taking a sneak-peek on the blog.

I am 31

I turned 31 today.
What?! Am I the only one growing old here? Most others I know are stuck at 29 for quite some time now. Guys, update your profile. Otherwise you will die looking a grandpa or grandma but still 29 on social networking!

A lot happened in the last 1 year.

Life and Wife - I was having an argument with my wife late last year and I said "You changed a lot from whom I knew before". And she replied "Yes, but you didn't change a bit". I think I fell for her for the very same reason. She is quite brilliant to present things sharp and effective. Truth be told, there is nothing like a "they lived ever after happily". It's more like "hopefully they lived ever after happily". Life is all about constantly altering your self to adjust with your companion.
PS: Now my wife is acting immature like me to adjust the level. Love ya honey!

Daddy cool - Someone finally decided to do a movie for all "hopeless husbands, but great dads" community. I asked my daughter few weeks back (she is 3) - "what do you like the most in the world?". And she said without a moment of hesitation - "Chicken". She didn't want to say "Dad" or "mom" to make us happy. She said what she thought she liked the most in this world :-)
So far she is the best thing that ever happened to me. Period.

Being a son - My dad surprised me again. Well, he is a great hubby. You would already know this if you have ever had a chance to stay with our family for an hour at least. This time he raised the bar of expectation by standing for straight 3 hours in a flight bound to India (from US) so that my mom can sleep on the two seats! Remember, he is 58, not a newly married 26 year old. Well, for all the hubbies out there who remember to buy bouquets for their wives on February 14, here I present my dad for whom everyday is a Valentine's day.

Where do I stand? - I am still the hard core Socialist and more than that a Nationalist (a combination is often an oxymoron though). Recently someone asked me, why are you in United States when you are such a self-esteemed nationalist. I said, a nationalist lives and dies for his nation. He doesn't have live and die in the nation itself :-)

Work - Not very exciting, I could say. But I won't. I foresee that in near future I will laugh on the challenges I faced in 2009. I took some stupid decisions and might have off-tracked myself from some of my career goals. However, I believe in destiny. Whatever path you take, you are just doing things to reach your inevitable destiny.
Sounds too philosophical? Come on, give me a break. I am 31.

Where is the real life Bharathchandran IPS?

Living in Keralam has become like seeing a 24x7 Shaji Kailas movie.
The ruling party is lead by a corrupted politician, home ministry is handled by a person who is linked to every hooligan in the state in one way or the other, education handled by a vision-less person who is not even qualified to be a primary school teacher, a political leader who the home ministry thinks as a sufi while every captured terrorist seems to be his security guard in the past, a chief minister who is old and helpless, the opposition that is as good as corpse and lot more bull s**t characters.
Guess what's missing? I wish if a Bharathchandran comes out with a blast in the background. A savior who can fix this in a reasonable time. Epics and mythologies tell that when the evil reaches the culmination a savior would come to save us. However, from what we see it gets worse only day by day.
I don't know who Paul George was. But the guy got stabbed multiple times and killed. And the IG comes out with an unbelievable story that the whole thing was unplanned and happened in spur of moment. Within a 6 minutes time gap one of the richest guy in state's finance industry was right in a place with state's two rival quotation groups in the right time and one of the 22 decided to stab the guy. Remember Dasavatharam movie? The movie brings up a similar concept where destiny brings unrelated people to the same place, same time for making things happen. Even Kamalhasan couldn't convince the viewers, I don't know how successful IG is going to be.

Irrespective of what we think, what we don't believe, the case is going to be sidelined to save faces of all the idolized politicians of our era. I am sure it will worsen as time progresses.
UPA and KPCC is taking a short cut to success. They know for sure that LDF will screw with Keralaites so much that in the upcoming election, we are going to vote UDF back to cockpit. So why mess with the ruling party, right? Ummanchandi and Ramesh chennithala are sleeping well and preserving their energies for an upcoming fight for CM position in near future.

In the current pace, Kerala 2020 will be a new Bihar or may be a more fuming Bihar.
There will engineering graduates driving taxies and auto rickshaws, north part of Kerala looking more like Pakistan than India, real estate mafia dons getting honorary IPS..

And will there be a savior or saviors coming to save the state?

While at your grace..

I have been trying hard to keep up with the news these days. The media is overwhelmed with domestic and international politics. Once Iran settles for whatever evil it is destined to, Afghansitan goes through another election turmoil. Barack (well, Obama) goes through another disaster in convincing Americans about health care reforms.

When the whole world is racing to reach first on generating headlines, India brings up another cliche'd allegation - "SRK subject to racial profiling in United States by being asked to go through security check". Most readers on Times Of India were weeping their heart out in this unbelievable incident.
Deja vu??
Well not, Former President Mr Kalam was asked go through a security screening in Indira Gandhi Airport few weeks back.
Deja vu??
Nope, Our then defense Minister Mr.George Fernandez was "strip checked" (quote:Media) in an airport in United States in 2003 and 2004.

Okay, let us rewind back and look at these events more objectively than emotionally. If you are a nationalist-right-out-of-movie, then you may stop reading here.

Defense minister's incident - Mr. Fernandez later denied that he wasn't strip checked by Airport security, but instead asked to put his jacket, shoes and socks in a tray to scanned under X-Ray.
http://www.tribuneindia.com/2004/20040715/main4.htm
Sounds familiar? Yep, this is the same thing we all do when we travel abroad. If this is strip checking, then, yeah many of us have seen tons of naked men and women in Airport!

Former Prez incident - I learned an interesting aspect about an aero bridge. The aerobridge is the thing that connects a flight to airport building. The aerobridge, by law, is a territory to the country that the airline belongs to (like an Embassy). So by definition our former Prez was no different than being trying to enter a foreign country. The TSA (Transport security Authority) of United States doesn't honor any VIP list a foreign country has provided and will subject the passenger to as much security check that any one else would do. Again, there were no hitting or beating. Our prez was just frisked and walked through an X-Ray scanner. More interestingly, you know the only person who hasn't so far whined about this incident - Mr. Kalam himself!

SRK - Oh come on, I don't even think it is worth writing this. It's simple, anyone's name that pops up for secondary check on a USCIS computer will be further checked. That's all. I think when it comes to movie stars, we Indians are still a "frog in the well". Believe me, they did probably what they are asked by documentation. I was surprised by seeing some unexpected people condemning this "heanous" act. Mr.Pranab mukherji, Mr. Shashi Tharoor etc. I don't know why they did that. As for an average Indian, he or she is least bothered about this. And about racial profiling, looks like most people are out of the Indian context for a long time. A south Indian is still a "madrasi" in Mumbai. A Bihari can't work for a living still in the maratha-land. A Kashmiri muslim won't get a house for rent in most parts of India. And a lot more...

Who was talking about racial profiling by the way?

I am on writer's block

You might think how someone who doesn't even qualify to be a 'writer' get 'writer's block'! Please, for my sake, imagine that I am a writer. I realized last weekend that I am suffering from this terrible disease and that there is no medicine for it.
In spite of my wife's yelling from kitchen or the unending questions from my daughter, I tried to sit down for few hours to write something that's worth. I wrote and deleted hundreds of words. But nothing came out that was worth a post.

I thought I will sleep over it and do something fresh this morning from work. Another hour wasted at work.
So if you see no new posts for another week, believe me, I am working on it!

PS: Oh come on, I know that I don't have a single reader who would miss my posts. I am just trying to overcome the 'block' here.

Which is India's national language?

A bunch of our friends got together for a bbq party yesterday evening. I had some really good food followed by an ice cream. Once I am full, I start poking the weak points on other people till they piss off or I get pissed off! (sometimes both!)
This time I picked a nice young guy (mallu guy brought up in Chennai) who happened to say that he doesn't know how to write in malayalam or tamil. Now before I could go full fledge on this 'weakness' he defended by saying - "but I know Hindi - India's national language".
Hm.. interesting.. Hindi is our national language? Since when? The nice guy's nice wife supported quoting the 5th standard hindi text book - "Hindi hamari rashtra bhasha hei \| Hindi ek saral our aasaan bhasha hei\|".
Now another not-so-nice guy (a mallu guy brought up in mallu land) who argues for anything and everything emerges from the group (that is still enjoying the ice cream) and goes "yeah, Hindi is THE national language".
I spent my following valuable 30 minutes to 'educate' them on the fact that Republic of India does NOT recognize any language as a "National Language". Instead of proving them wrong by asking them to find one official document that states so, I took the stupid route of proving multiple times that Hindi is not national language - Interestingly Constitution of India is silent on that fact which gave them the advantage of the pursuiting the argument.
I left finally by agreeing to disagree.
Now the facts -
National language is more of a symbolic status, a privileged position that we assign to a language. I or you don't make that choice. Constitution of India makes that choice.
http://lawmin.nic.in/coi/coiason29july08.pdf - Constitution of India makes a choice to call English and Hindi (both) as 'Official languages of India'. That is no privleged status. Official language is in which Central departments and Judiciary has to communicate.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Languages_of_India - (Yeah, not a very authentic source. But believe me, nobody has contested the fact given here though) - says that "India does not have any national language".
I didn't see a single official government circular or a constitutional reference or amendment that says Hindi is our national language or otherwise. Trust me, I even visited a bunch of Indian embassy websites which portrays National bird, anthem, animal.. but not a word about language.

And that proves that the question "Which is India's national language" does not stand itself. The answer (either way) does not have a legal/constitutional validity. It is as good as a question "which is the most beautiful language in India?". You can have an answer, but don't insist that people have to agree.

Another depressing day back from barber shop

If there is one thing that I have utterly failed in last 5 years in United States is when it comes to communicating with my Vietnamese barber. The guy is an always-smiling nice person who thinks every Indian is a software engineer and he speaks in broken english. He keeps on blabbering based on his set of presumptions and has zero listening skills (sounds like my wife :p).
In fact, my dad had to admit that he is a software engineer the last time he went there for hair cut. Now coming to how that affects me..
Here is how a typical visit is like -
I go there hoping the neighboring shop run by real professionals is open (those guys never open!) and our guy catches me - "Oh, my good indian computer engineer is here". Right on spot this time too buddy.
He makes me sit and covers me with a sheet. And here is where I start feeling like I am ready for the autopsy. He goes - "Ok my good sir, how do you want to trim it short today?". And I go, "No trimming mister. I will say it, you listen carefully. Medium on the top and short on the side and back. That simple. Got it".
And he picks up the machine and goes - "Ok, trimming. Got it". Here is where I feel the surgery blade on my chest. I speak up again, "friend, no trimming. medium on the top and short on side and back. do as I say. Will ya?".
He shrugs and goes "yes.. yes.. I got an elephant idol from the last Indian groom who I styled for his wedding".
And I thought to myself, may be the groom wanted to symbolically crush his head with an elephant!
He turns on the machine (yes, the very trimmer!). And I go this time with a more desperate voice "No, trimming buddy. Medium on the..... okay, whatever!!".
He keeps his talking on and I will slip to my intermittent death state with a false hope that some miracle would happen and I will wake up to see Shahrukh on the mirror (without the sixpack ofcourse.. and the stammering.. and the.. okay leave it).
I will sail through my dreams and the background score would be by the Viet Ilayaraja's trimmer.
After ten minutes I woke up and saw on the mirror a figure that told me -
"Mugambo khush hua"

Nuclear treaty: Rights and Wrongs - by Sameeh Nazrulla

The following amazing review is written by a good friend - Sameeh Nazrulla. The guy is an ideological freak (more freak than ideology), a lazy a** and will never do anything to show his ideas light (other than occasionally writing in some crap orkut communities).

Date: September 17, 2008
"Lemme try to put up a snapshot of Indian political views at the time of the crucial trust vote in parliament (I was following the issue closely till those days)

Leftists - opposed as usual, didn't want any bogie with US as it was ideologically untenable (some other reasons they said were actually convincing, but we'll discuss that later)
BJP - opposed as usual, bcoz they are in opposition
Samajwadi party - supported as usual, because there was important bargaining to be done with UPA
Laloo prasad - cautious as usual; didn't fully support this way or that way, just that they were for the deal but without stating reasons.
Abdul kalam - optimist as usual (actually the funniest response came from this former prez; he said let's go with deal, and go to test when we wanted to. Of course, he wasnt worried abut the billions that wud go down the drain by way of purchasing the reactors; after we tested.)

finally, my own take of it:
Manmohan singh's early initiative seemed noble indeed; but the Left was right for once, when they objected for following reasons-
1. any deal with US wud actually mean bending our foreign policy to satisfy americans; this was proved when india voted against long time ally iran over the IAEA issue.
2. nuclear power, even if enabled after sacrificing so much (how much??) wud still be costlier compared to oil/gas based power. india almost lost the gas deal with iran so as to make way for nuclear power, which is bad economics.
3. 123 wud finally be determined by the Hyde act; which places serious limitations on the technology transfer that would happen , and also the consequences if india were to conduct a nuclear test. In spite of congresss repeatedly asserting that india wud not have to worry about the hyde act, truth was the opposite, as confirmed by independent sources in US admin, as well as the controversial letter that was declassified early september.

however, post NSG meeting, the whole game changed. the waiver was the best thing to happen to india since 1991. "corporate" media lost no time in announcing that MMS ended india's nuclear isolation, just as he ended the economic isolation in 1991. Singh is King again (if we conveniently forget that the King lied continuosly to parliament and nation, on point number 3 we discussed above).

result of waiver:
left sulked, expectedly (when they shud have ideally celebrated the event, but distanced from the impending 123 agreement)
bjp sulked, expectedly, because they were in opposition.
rest-of-india, well.. does it matter anymore?

NOW.. india has doubts about signing 123, since govt says bush jr openly came out stating
1. fuel supply is not guaranteed (remember tarapur episode 1974)
2. sensitive technology might not be made available
(As if these events were not known before. The left was constantly reminding the govt of precisely these 2 things, dammit!!)

meanwhile, france and russia come up with proposals for india. (let's remember that france has the best nuclear tech in the world; ahead of even the US)

so, finally, if india forgoes 123, and signs up with france instead... india's the sole winner out of all this. (yeah, we wud have duped the sole world power into pressing the NSG to vote for us, and then we wud have ditched them)
but we have to wait and watch what happens to 123..

some links:
an old version of CPIM's arguments
http://www.thehindu.com/2007/08/20/stories/2007082058071400.htm

a recent column by noted journo/writer MJ Akbar
http://mjakbarblog.blogspot.com/2008/09/fluff-and-bluff-cant-change-harsh.html

implications of hyde act
http://www.hindu.com/2007/08/20/stories/2007082058271500.htm

latest american public perspective
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/09/opinion/09tue2.html?scp=6&sq=india&st=cse

the letter which created news in september
http://www.hcfa.house.gov/110/press090208.pdf"

I hate you, because I think ... you hate me

The element of hatred between a selected subset of people and the United States is growing exponentially these days. It's been doing so for the past few decades. But now this is different. There used to be a genuine rationale in doing so for both sides in 80s or 90s or even in 2001. It was the slow-healing wound on religious or ideological sentiment that was hurting.

Now, it's not the wound, its the illusion that is blinding people in doing so.

What encouraged me to write this is an email my wife received from a good friend based in Dubai last week. It was a stupid email forward with the subject "No:1 Terrorists in the world". The interesting part is that he has put a disclaimer "Sending as received .. may need confirmation" before the "poison spitting" starts.

I found the list of questions very interesting. I am not a big admirer of US or its foreign policy. Nor I am as crazy a critic has Noam Chomsky or Michael Moore. I am just somewhere in between where it is convenient to distinguish right and wrong, and ignore it without feeling guilt.

Anyways, the questions are pretty close-ended kind, like "Which is the only country that dropped a nuclear bomb?". You are not expected to say "I know, but the circumstance of WWII..". You are expected to just keep repeating "United States" for every such question.

My friend, if you don't endorse these questions or their answers, why are you forwarding it to ~100 friends? This is what I said about the rationale. Many of us don't have a fundamental reason to hate the Americans, but we are expected to do so. Unprovoked hatred has taken full control of our decision making capability.

I thought of spending couple of hours investigating each one of the question and answering them from an impartial stand point. I did some google'ing and figured out that the forwarded email was long back used by leftists to blame Americans .. and now a different set of people are running with the same baton.

I thought for a while if I should post the following link, as it doesn't present an impartial view. Instead it's more of how a pro-republican American would respond.

I liked some of the facts he is quoting and hence finally decided to quote the post -

http://www.solport.com/roundtable/archives/000107.php

What must have happened in Poland?

Do you remember the dialogue - "Polandine kurichu mathram mindaruthu"?
Sreenivasan's character says this in the movie "Sandesham" when Jayaram's (who did the right inclined younger brother) character criticises Poland.
I was a kid and laughed the heck out when I watched this movie first time. Even now I search for this video on youtube and I laugh like I am seeing this for the first time.

Often I have wondered - what must have happened in Poland that provoked a leftist character to get so emotional?
Apparently this is what happened in 1981 in Poland - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1981_warning_strike_in_Poland
12-14 million Polish citizens did a warning strike against the ruling Communist party and it was one of the biggest strikes against a ruling Communist grovernment in World History. Western historians love this incident as it was one of the biggest blow on the face of Communism.

No wonder Sreenivasan said that.
In the next friendly get together you would hear me say that too :-)

Which car are you?

People are like cars. There are people who are like sports cars, the ones like minivans, the ones like SUVs... all kinds. When you read the following, keep the type of car and the people you know of that type in mind. It might be interesting that way. :-)

Sport car type: These are the fast and furious type. Very aggressive bunch of people. They talk fast, they act fast. And it is fun to be with them. But like a sports car they come with a cost. You might jump into any kind of trouble because of these fast moving types.

Minivan type: Very accommodating people. You feel very mature when with these people. They have a broad perception on any subject and you feel safe with them. However. being more serious, these folks don't fit in most groups very well. Even with their ability to open the 'sliding door' of their mind, you may see them standing out in a group of 'compact" people.

Compact type: Well, the last type dropped me into this circle. My personal favorite. They come at low cost, fits very well to most groups you tag them along to, gives you a longer mileage in the relationship.

SUV: This kind comes with a "Wow" factor. You are proud to present them to anyone. They look good, act good and mostly 'fully loaded' :). On the negative side, they consume a lot of your energy (or petrol/gas) and makes you wish to get rid of them.

Convertibles: These are the angel kind. During most time of an year you will find them with hood open ("open minded", not what you thought ;-) ). You can see very well what's going on inside them.

Hummer/Limo type: Okay, get rid of them if you know someone of this type. They just look so elegant, but only take them when you have to show-off to people something that you are not.

New caricature series - Part 1

Click on the picture below to read it. This is something I wrote in 2006 while the IT was still in boom. Like any caricature the facts are a bit exaggerated and mixed with sarcasm.

When spouse drives..

Every man has a story to tell when it comes to teaching his spouse driving. That's precisely when the whole marriage undergoes the extreme test of patience!
Don't know why women don't get it when it comes to watching rear view mirror, blind spot, side view mirror, all while maintaining speed and then change lane :-)
My wife's driving lessons can be published in volumes - like that lagging yet interesting "Kill Bill" movie.
She started off taking lessons in late 2005. Maintaining the car in the same lane was the first challenge. She swings from one side to other side of the road and would still claim that she is in the same lane. After a month of shouting and screaming, I arranged a mallu tutor for giving her lessons. He came one day and at the end of the class he said "continue practicing with husband. call me once you are ready for the dmv test.". I think he meant to say "sorry, I have a family to take care of. You can put your husband at risk and don't ever call me".
Luckily (for me) she had a major distraction to handle when she was expecting Kunju in 2006.
The saga restarted on late 2006 again. This time we called a vietnamese guy. I had high expectation on him. He gave two classes and said "continue practicing with husband. call me once you are ready for the dmv test."!! I was shocked, as far as I knew, he didn't have a family. But sometimes people care for themselves too :-(
Meanwhile her DMV learners license expired twice and she took written re-tests in flying colors (practice.. practice.. practice!). The last time when she went there, the DMV official shook her hand for visiting maximum times in an year (in my exaggerated version I tell people that DMV director came out of office to welcome her :-) )
Year 2007 mostly went with the same vietnamese guy coming only when he is so desperate for money. We moved apartments thrice and our 'chinky' guy sometimes was shocked to see us at new place (we give only address for the student, not the name. So he would know who he is going to teach only when he reaches). One time I asked him "is she a good driver now?" and he said "no, she is a dangerous driver".
Priya's driving lessons turned from an urban joke to more of folklore standard. Mallu people around started using this as a saying - like "kuttiyar kollathu poya polae" or "priya driving class edukum polae" etc..
Year 2008 I decided to change the tutor. Anyways, the vietnamese guy didn't like Ho Chi Minh.
We went for the hard working central travancore christian family run institute. After the first class the guy said "let us finish this as soon as possible". I said in mind "or she will finish you as soon as possible".
However, that proved one more time that there is nothing that can beat the perseverance of central tranvancore christians. It came in the form of a license with a smiling face :-)

PS: This is reviewed and blessed by my better half. She has been cooking beef fry for her beloved, while he was writing crap :-)

The inertia to leave United States...

The following fact has puzzled me always...
Once you are in United States it takes a great amount of 'will' to go back to India.

You agree or not, that's the truth for most people.
I have been based in California for past 4 years. When we came here in 2005, I used to tell people that I want to go back to India and will be doing it in short term. It's been 4 years and I am still saying the same thing.
How much is 'short term'? few months? couple of years? A deeper thought would reveal that 'short term' is a just 'big excuse' to stick on to US without feeling the guilt of staying away from home land or family. Bitter, but truth.

Now let us call this inertia. What is causing this inertia? Few facts could be -
a. Money - needs no explanation. The more we get, the more we want. The more we make, the more we invest. It's a loop.
b. Comfort - A less tiring life is another popular justification I have heard around. That's true. Most people stay close to work. "Close" is say ~10 miles. A 10 or 15 minutes of drive would let you reach home. Compare it against the hours of travel you need to do from Electronic city to Koramangala! (I have done it tons of times, so I know!).
c. Better place for bringing up Kids - Yup, another truth. (or rather, my wife says so..)

If you agree, add to my list. If you don't, feel free to comment with cons -
I welcome this wholeheartedly. Because I am looking for a reason here.. a reason to break the inertia.

Selective blindness

India - World's most populated democracy - conducted a national election in 18 days. The result came out in 24 hours with a stable alliance elected with minimum majority ..
Still, all CNN could do was a weak display of journalism by giving single post of this news in some corner!
Slumdog millionaire was all over CNN when it won Oscar.
Don't you see the western 'selective blindness' when it comes to India?
If you follow multiple news agencies/magazines, you can notice this very well. No media is impartial. No media is priority-less.
CNN celebrated when Mr.Zardari got "elected" as President of Pakistan. I was like "What?!". Why would anyone care for this guy or his flirting with Sarah Palin. I don't understand who determines what's important enough to come in the top of the list. When it comes to Western media, probably the alliances the home country has with rest of the world plays the role. And eastern media is a lot more influenced by regional politics/religion than national agenda.
End of the day, today's Media has gone 'selective blind' and it sucks!

Romantic poem by E E Cummings

I carry your heart with me
I carry it in my heart
I am never without it
anywhere I go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling
I fear no fate for you are my fate, my sweet

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart
I carry it in my heart

New genre of disgusting malayalam movies...

Malayalee was always proud of the classic movies in 80s and 90s. If you listen to most malayalee conversations you can see the influence of movies in the dialogues they make.
The funny dialogues from Kilukkam still makes way into our conversations. "Thoovanathumbikal" is one of the favorite movies for many. Padmarajan and Bharathan still have a huge fan base. Remember, they are not alive and hence hadn't made any movies in recent times. Our very beloved comic actor Jagathy Sreekumar is undisputably one of the best character actors in India.
So, when did we go wrong? I think the detour from the sensible movies to nonsensical ones started of with MohanLal's superhuman movies. Till that time we were keen to see small budget family movies or comedy based youngsters' movie. I am not blaming Lal alone for the low quality movies. I would say if the mess was lighted up by Lal, Mammotty poured more Oil to it.
Why would I say actors are at fault for crap movies which are clearly a production by director. Because movies in India are creations of directors, but choices of actors.
Unlike hollywood where casting is done post-scripting, in India movies are made for actors. Fundamentally we have a reverse logic where a director gets an actor's date, then finds a producer and then writes a script based on actor's profile plus considering what a producer can afford.
And now where are we? We have seen Mayabazar, Love in Singapore, Hello and all the low quality ones. Now the superstardom is throwing more trash on our face.
But how are these movies surviving in a state with such a high self esteem. It's an age old trick - like making someone drunk and making him dance awkwardly.
Over the past 5 years or more our viewers were gradually poisoned with crap movies and we have to admit that we liked Thommanum Makkalum, Rajamanikyam etc. We enjoyed them because we suddenly saw a serious actor doing slapstick comedy. But we didn't anticipate that there are more to come. The youth in Kerala fell for it. It was like serving alcohol to teenagers. The youngsters grew up the next 5 years or more watching more of mayabazar and the likes.
End result - any crap movie becomes a super hit and we have fan followers as crazy as neighboring states.
New formula to success - 5 songs + 7 fights + 20 punch dialogues + tons of slapstick comedy
Yes, we are no different from rest! Good bye good movies!

When I turned 30

[Something I wrote when I turned 30 late last year]

This is a blog I was waiting to write for past few months, but time as always has beaten me.
Anyways here it goes ...

Yes!! I am 30. I guess I am now among the very few people who admit the entry to 30s with excitement.I feel like finally I got rid of something I never liked being.

Life - Now looking back(or down?) through the years I have lived, I think I learned a lot from the mistakes. I repeated most of them multiple times to check if they happen on all circumstances. And yeah!, then do.I don't think life has to be perfect to be wonderful. I have a pretty messed up life and I wouldn't have been what I am today without all those mistakes.

Choices - Choices and options are different. Most people I have known choose out of the options available. But I tend to think differently. Ignore the options and look for what you need. May be your choice is way out of your league, but still worth a chase.

Role play - I am on okay husband, a pretty good dad, a nice brother, cranky son and best buddy of many. Will people miss me if I suddenly disappear one day? Yeah, they will. :)

Effort - I invented procrastination by the way. I use only minimal potential on anything I do. I tend to preserve my energy by sitting idle and acting tired. Recently I have started whining about low blood sugar as the medical reason. My wife believes it. :))

Love and life - Falling in love is easy. Many people fall, bump their head, shake it off and move on. I didn't, because the one I have fallen for was worth dying for.The resistance to win my love was THE toughest thing that I have ever faced in my entire life. If I have to write a book about our love story, I need to publish in at least two volumes. Now when I think about it, Randy Pausch was absolutely right. Brick walls are there for a reason. They are there to show how badly you need someone.

Money - A sophisticated tool that humans invented to make transactions easier. That's exactly money is for me too. I am not going live or die for money.

Ideology - When I was at school I used to admire SFI activists. Oh, what a fun it is to beat others for selfish interests. Establishing anarchy would really relax lifes!!! brake.. sorry, that was the dark side of me.I am more inclined to socialism and have acute disrespect for the typical Indian nature of "I don't bother what's happening next door".I believe in GOD, but not in religion. My daughter's last name is Nair, only because that went well with her first name. And I don't gauge people by caste or colour. (But I still ask my mom why am I darker than her).

Finally - I am really happy to be here today with you all.

A country that lost its identity

"WE, THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a SOVEREIGN SOCIALIST SECULAR DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC and to secure to all its citizens: JUSTICE, social, economic and political;LIBERTY of thought, expression, belief, faith and worship;EQUALITY of status and of opportunity;and to promote among them allFRATERNITY assuring the dignity of the individual and the unity and integrity of the Nation;IN OUR CONSTITUENT ASSEMBLY this twenty-sixth day of November, 1949, do HEREBYADOPT, ENACT AND GIVE TO OURSELVES THIS CONSTITUTION."

This is the preamble to the consititution of INDIA. Where are we 50 years from the day this was written?

Let us start with SOVEREIGN - a country that holds the supreme authority to law making and enforcing it. Even the Supreme court judging panel won't bet on this. Our polcies are always influenced by the regional and national politics. That's the reason our nation doesn't or will never have the guts to give capital punishment to any terrorist who is proven guilty. So are we SOVEREIGN? No. We are more of SEMI-SOVEREIGN.

Now SOCIALIST - An economic system that through state or public ownership of any production ensures economic equality to citizens. What? Our economy and politics are controlled by Ambanis and the likes. We are part of the globalization and probably we are as SOCIALIST as United States.

SECULAR - This is the best part. India has no Unified Civil Code. What applies to me may not apply to David or Rahim.

DEMOCRATIC - Former terrorists and hooligans get elected from most states in India. They get into administration and we are good till "by the people, of the people", but does any elected representative work "for the people"? No.

to secure to all its citizens - 13 terrorist strikes in 2008. Yet the administration won't or can't act.

Equality of status and of opportunity - I am all for reservation. I am a strong believer that hundreds of years of anarchy and suppression has created mutiple classes of people. The ones that were subject to ages of brutality needs to be raised to the same level of others - through decades of education and opportunities. But is caste the single criteria for it? It might apply fairly well in Bihar, but not in more forward states like Kerala or Tamil Nadu. It is just common sense that you need to realize that the reservation scheme in 21st century needs to be redrafted and should be subject to review every few years. Otherwise, we are just reversing the hour glass.

What this makes us? A country that lost its identity..